princewally's world

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 08:00 AM - The Adventures of Jesse the Wonderpoodle
We Fest was just miserably hot and I had two vultures waiting for me to passout so they could shave a heart in my chest hair to match Austin Powers. It gives you an idea on how much fun I had.


But the year before was a good time except I seen more “dick” than “tit”. Not a good average and it all got shot to hell as I was coming around a corner. Six guys were having an argument about who’s was longer limp and dropped there shorts at the same time. I mean there’s just some thing’s my eyes are not meant to see. Being the kind’a guy I am I made sure every body I was with seen as well, so I wouldn’t be the only one scared. I don’t know what was worse; that or when the guy at the bookstore was hitting on me.


Just a short chapter now. Chapter Four is MUCH longer!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 04:53 PM - The Adventures of Jesse the Wonderpoodle
Later that summer I decided to learn to sky dive, I had no problem going up in the plane or even the sky diving part of it (except the first jump were I was breathing so hard I sounded like a woman going into labor). It was the getting out of the plane where the trouble was. It was more trouble because of having to jump with my instructors where if I messed up someone else could get hurt.


All was going well, I only had to retake jump #4 (my choice). On jump #7 we departed the plane and I did the sequence of movements that would pass me to the next level. All was good until I opened my chute (I don’t know if you’ve sky dived, but when you open your chute you kind of bounce from the sudden speed change). Upon opening my chute I did the first bounce then the strap holding the chute to my harness on the left side let loose.


My first reaction was to grab the O’shit handle. So that’s what I did, I reached up and grabbed the one side still holding with both hands(being that I only had half a chute it caused me to do a pendulum swing). Let me tell ya when I was playing Tarzan across the sky. It was the most religious fifteen seconds of my life. Luckily the jolt from the uneven pull on the harness released the reserve chute, when I noticed that I was leveling out I looked up and saw the reserve chute opening, I thought yaa I’m saved. But then the half of the main chute started to wrap up into the reserve chute, I quickly pulled the cord to release the main chute and all was well until my landing approach.


Being so happy that I was making a landing approach, I came in with the wind instead of against it, I didn’t realize my mistake until I was twenty feet off the ground and coming in way to fast for my abilities. I prepared for impact expecting compound fractures in both legs, I hit the ground at about 30 mph., went into a tuck and roll and was standing on both my feet before the chute hit the ground.


Not noticing any damage to my self, I took the chute back to base camp and said “I think this ones broke could I get a different one”. They gave me a new one and we went up and made jump #8 with no problems. It wasn’t until the next morning that I found the full extent of the landing damage.


My right leg hurt so bad I could hardly put any weight on it, my left leg throbbed with a bearable pain and had a sprained ankle, My neck was so stiff that it remained in that same position for two days before I was able to have restricted movement and I was having severe problems breathing because of the bruised back and cracked rib. Four days later I did the final jump to graduate me to solo diving.


Chapter 3 is coming soon to a theatre near you!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 08:46 AM - The Adventures of Jesse the Wonderpoodle
Trying to start these damn letters sucks. Well I guess that I’ll start with the year 2001, which was a good year for me.


In May I went to Texas hog hunting and got a 230 lb. wild boar with a knife. We first used bay dogs to corner it which took almost two hours. Once the bay dogs had it cornered we sent in the catch dogs (pitbulls). They went in and grabbed it ears (one on each side) to help control the hog. I then followed the catch dogs in because once they have it you’ve got to get in there and dispatch the animal or subdue it before it can escape or you’ll have to start all over again. When I got close enough to stab it, I thrust the blade in to its side behind the shoulder, and half expecting it to collapse or something but when it kept on fighting like nothing happened I just started hammering the knife home (about six times) and on the last thrust I cut its heart in half. Blood just started spraying out of the wounds covering me in blood. When the knife hit the heart the hog shook the dog closest to me off and its two and a half in. tusk was lined up with my knee, I though to my self “Game over”, and quickly hopped back, the catch dog regained its composure and grabbed hold again I then lunged in for the final blow. After the hunt was over and the hog dressed and ready for transport there wasn’t much to do, so one of the guides suggested maybe I would like to help train some of the young dogs, and I though that was a great idea. And for the rest of the day which was full of surprise (from sunshine and hot, to a thunderstorm with a tornado, to sunshine and hot) we worked with the dogs.


One day I was drinking a sobe drink and reading the ingredients (yes I can read). One of the ingredients was yohimbe and it said “for added strength energy and endurance, since I was putting in a lot of hours at work and the gym my body was feeling a little run down (no comments from the peanut gallery – FRED). So I got to thinken that a little added boost would be nice. The next morning I went to G.N.C. and got a bottle of yohimbe. I didn’t think much of it when the lady behind the counter gave me a strange look because I was just as happy as a school girl that I had just found a new wonder pill. The only part I didn’t know was that all that “strength, energy, and endurance” was for Mr.Wiggles. I started to suspect something when every time I changed directions to fast, did any thing to get my blood pumping or even stepped into a stiff breeze good old Mr. Wiggles was standing at attention. This went on for about two weeks before I figured out what was raising the red flag. At first I was really excited “waahooo I’m sixteen again” but then the hole thing became more of a pain, not to mention the possible embarrassing circumstances it would eventually cause.


Stay tuned for Chapter 2.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 08:37 AM - The Adventures of Jesse the Wonderpoodle
I'm starting a series called Jesse the Wonderpoodle.


Here's the background:

1. Jesse is not, in fact, a poodle.
2. Every word of the series is true. I have eaten the meat, watched the videos and seen the scars. It's been verified.
3. It's not that long of a series.
4. This all comes from a Christmas newsletter the Wonderpoodle sent out one foggy July.
5. Names have been changed to protect....somebody.



Monday, March 27, 2006, 10:44 AM - Life
This happened about a year ago.


My wife couldn't sleep, so she was sitting up watching TV. At about 4AM, our security lights went on, the cats got really excited and my wife saw someone run past our bay window.


She came running into the bedroom and woke me up. She told me what happened. I handed her the phone and told her to call the police, while I checked things out. I tripped all of the security lights around the house and checked.


My yard was clear. I looked out the front window and saw someone sneaking from one house to the next across the street. I grabbed the sword that's hanging on the wall by the front door and flew outside.


Now, to get the proper effect here, you have to picture this. I'm in my boxer shorts, with long hair that I had just been sleeping on, standing on my front sidewalk with a sword in my hand.


I yell at him. "You don't belong here!"


From the bushes across the street, I hear his response.


"I'm delivering your newspaper!"


That was the week I started tipping the paperboy.


Wednesday, March 22, 2006, 07:18 PM - Politics
I've been watching the news and reading newspapers and I realized something. I knew nothing about statistics and how they are generated. So I went hunting.


I came across this. It's and interesting read. It explains statistical jargon, epidemiology and, specifically, what the official reports on second hand smoke actually mean.


The EPA study is particularly interesting. They announced the results of their study before they actually did the study. This left them with a vested interest in a specific result. They did a meta-study, which consists of analyzing other studies and coming up with results. They rejected most of the studies that didn't coincide with their desired outcome. When they were done, they still couldn't justify their results, so they doubled the margin of error on the study, which allowed them to BS their press release.


In summary:

They rejected almost two-thirds of the initial studies chosen. The doubled the margin of error to get their predetermined outcome. The result? They still couldn't come up with statistically significant results.


Fact: Although the EPA declared ETS was a Class A carcinogen with an RR of 1.19, in analysis of other agents they found relative risks of 2.6 and 3.0 insufficient to justify a Group A classification.


Fact: In 1998 Judge William Osteen vacated the study - declaring it null and void after extensively commentating on the shoddy way it was conducted. His decision was 92 pages long.


Fact: Osteen found other deep flaws in the the EPA's methodology. In his judgment he stated: "The record and EPA's explanations to the court make it clear that using standard methodology, EPA could not produce statistically significant results with its selected studies.


The WHO study is also interesting, but not
because they lied. They did their study correctly. They more or less suppressed their bias in producing results.

Fact: In paragraph four they admitted the facts: "The study found that there was an estimated 16% increased risk of lung cancer among nonsmoking spouses of smokers. For workplace exposure the estimated increase in risk was 17%. However, due to small sample size, neither increased risk was statistically significant."

Fact: The press release doesn't mention the one statistically significant result from the study, that children raised by smokers were 22% less likely to get lung cancer.


For the uninitiated, if a result isn't statistically significant, it doesn't exist. It can't be reliably reproduced in a circumstance that doesn't exactly match the study.


For everybody who wants to bitch about the cost society bears caring for smoker's medical needs, read this. Smokers pay their way medically at least five times over.


So, to all of the people responsible for the smoking ban in my area, to all of the people who give me dirty looks for smoking downwind of them, to all of the mothers-in-law who can't shut up, to all of the people who blame smokers for society's ills, I salute you. I'm only using one finger.


Wednesday, March 15, 2006, 09:14 PM - Random
My favorite horror flick has been re-created by bunnies.

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